I was a single mother with three kids, and found myself pregnant, and the father wanted no part of the baby and myself. Which at the time was heartbreaking, but now looking back was the biggest lesson and blessing I have ever learned. I am not the same afterwards, but it’s all in a good way.
I was unsure of what to do, but I knew having four kids was something I couldn’t handle financially or any other way. Plus, I needed to put my kids first including the baby. Plus, I truly believe God already had a plan for that little baby and I just needed to follow his direction, so I stopped and I followed direction.
I went to my pregnancy center in my town and saw a folder with a butterfly on the front and said to myself, “wow that’s a beautiful thing, “and picked it up, and started to read the letter inside. Now, some many years later I don’t remember all what it said, but I remember saying to my mom, “I need to call them like now.” So I did, and a woman with the best southern voice answered,( like I’m not even joking) I will never forget her. She met me the next day near my house and we sat and talked not just about the baby, but about my other kids and what I wanted out of life for myself and them. She is a wonderful lady. I remember all the calls just to check on me, she took me to a few appointments and sometimes let me cry, very supportive.
The day came to look at books. I remember looking at like 7 she took out, and I started to feel overwhelmed. She gave me chocolate cover raisins and laughed, saying, “girl it’s like reading a book.” So the first one I looked at I knew if my heart “this was the family”, just there was something about them, not sure what it was. I told her I found them, she goes, “good, now pick two more.” I looked up with tears in my eyes and say, “why, I found them, I don’t want to.” She told sometimes these parent might not choose you back . I remember saying, “well why not, he is going to be handsome and smart,” lol.
The day came fast for us to meet. (me and the soon to be parents.) I was excited yet really scared, it felt like a cross between and job interview and a first date. They came in and brought me food, that was good, and then we sat down and just talked. It wasn’t weird or uncomfortable, well ok, maybe the first few seconds. I remember they asked if I have named him yet, I said back, “Why would I- that’s for you guys to do not me. I just call him little dude.” I knew if I named him something I would be way more emotional then I already was.
They told me their story; honestly we all cried a bunch that day. She hugged me bunch that day, which was ok. See, I was the pregnant lady who didn’t like her stomach touched, I hated that, it made me feel like someone was petting me like a pet. They asked and with them it was different. I mean, yes, the baby was in my stomach, but he wasn’t mine, it was their son, not mine, so I was ok with that. When she placed her hand on my stomach he kicked, and then the dad did (who was very nervous) and of course he kicked again. We all laughed I think they both cried. It was a good day.
The days came fast, the next thing I was going in for my c-section, no nothing was wrong, just have had them before, the parents were in the hospital, just not in the delivery room, I kinda felt that would be a little too much, my mom was there with me she was there when my other kids were born.
He was a health baby boy, and cute, too. We got to see him first and then the parents did. I knew his name from the time we met, and I told my mom. Ms. Janine (social worker) told me that if I wanted a day with him, I could have it, and she told me a few months before I had him, I decided to spend that time with him. My mom spent a little time with him, and then left. Then he was with me the rest of the day. I cried a whole lot, so did he, but not for the same reason. I’m glad I had that time with him because it just made me keep to my decision. The next day, I signed the paper work, took pictures with the parents and him, and it was, as they say, bittersweet. The beginning part of the day was, not going to lie, hard. I cried more. But I still stood by my decision. He was here for them, and they are his parents 100% without a question. I get asked if I regret making that decision, and I don’t, everything in my heart agrees this was for the best for him, and he was meant to be their son. The parents say all the time in the cards and picture how I blessed them, but they also blessed me. It’s been 11 years and I wouldn’t change anything. He is happy, healthy, and very loved.
So, if you are pregnant and unsure about what to do next, it is okay. Just think about that baby, first and not of yourself. That’s what it means to be a parent.
Thank you for reading my story.
-Victoria, Birth Mother
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